Never going to say goodbye
by Chrjoyed
Summary: Chryed. Begins a year after the reveal and six months since Syed and Christian reunited. Follows their journey as they struggle to adapt to life as a couple. Could a horrific event tear them apart forever?
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter One**

**April 2011**

"Look I'm sorry, but there's no 'How To Keep the Peace Between Your Gay Lover and Your Muslim Family' manual in the library, okay!" Syed growled, exasperated.

"Well there's no '101 Tips for a Successful Relationship with Your Muslim Lover' either!" Christian exhorted, stepping into Syed's personal space and forcing him backwards. Usually he loved being so up close and personal with Christian, but right now it seemed an intimidating tactic, an attempt to get him to back down.

"Well you wouldn't read it anyway. You hate reading. The only thing you've read lately is the takeaway menu" Syed countered, breathing heavily, partly caused by the argument and partly by Christian's proximity, wearing only a towel, having just stepped out of the shower.

"Funny Sy, real funny. You just go on the stage" Christian drawled.

"Christian, please..."

"Sy...it's fine. Seriously, it's fine...we'll do something together at the weekend. Maybe I'll take you out for a slap up meal at Argy Bargie...I just got paid remember" Christian smiled, flicking through the pile of takeaway menus that were lying on the table. "What do you fancy tonight? Your choice. I fancy..."

"Christian! Please stop!" Syed exclaimed, exasperated at Christian's ability to change the subject when he wanted to hide his true feelings. Although to be fair, Syed thought, suddenly ashamed at his outburst, he himself was an expert at hiding things.

Syed walked over to where Christian was standing, keeping his eyes firmly on his older lover, who was still pursuing an unnatural interest in the offerings of the local Chinese.

"Christian, look" Syed smiled, taking Christian's hand and placing it between his own, "I love you, I chose you, you know that...but I need to do this for my family...you have me every day...they just want me to spend my birthday with them. Some family time" Syed implored Christian to understand his dilemma. Syed hated that he had been put in this position. All he wanted was to spend his birthday with the people that he loved, Christian and his family. Unfortunately the people that he loved, or the very least his parents and Christian, would rather eat poison than be civil to each other for more than a half hour. The last time they attempted a 'family' dinner it ended with his mother in tears, his father walking out and Syed glancing awkwardly at Tamwar and mouthing "I'm sorry", and "Let's just go, yeah?" at Christian, who had gone a rather un-fetching shade of bright red. He hadn't spoken to his parents for a week afterwards, despite Tamwar's rather obvious attempts at locking them in the same room together after using Kamil as bait.

"Come here, Sy" Christian breathed, quietly, pulling Syed into his body and holding him tight. Syed smiled, closing his eyes, as Christian hugged him, gently rubbing his back under his shirt.

"I understand, I promise. I'm not faking it, or pretending...I wish it was different but it isn't so..." Christian suddenly stopped, removing his hand from under Syed's shirt and gently pushing him away from him so he could look Syed in the eyes, "...so, what we are going to do is that you are going to go to your family tomorrow, have a fantastic day with them, and then at the weekend, I am going to spoil you rotten like my boyfriend deserves to be, okay?" Christian smiled, putting as much sincerity as he possibly could into his words.

"I love you Christian" Syed whispered quietly, his eyes shimmering with a mix of gratitude and sorrow.

"Love you too, Sy" Christian replied, kissing him on the nose and leaning into another embrace.

Syed woke early. It was a bright spring morning, the sun breaking in through the blinds in the kitchen. He extracted himself from Christian's light embrace, checking he was still asleep, before tip-toeing quietly to the bathroom and shutting the door. Shedding his boxers, he clicked on the shower and stepped in, grabbing the gel and sponge as he went. It was an impossible situation and he hated it, hated not being able to spend his first birthday with Christian, as a couple. The last year had been the toughest he had ever experienced...being outed in public, Christian's beating and the subsequent rejection of each other, the suicide attempt, the therapy...it was a year to forget. Forget, all except the times he spent in Christian's arms, kissing him, feeling his hot breath on his sensitive neck...making love. Syed smiled to himself, replaying the memories in his head as if it were a movie, put together for his own private enjoyment. Squirting a blob of shower gel onto the sponge, Syed began to wash himself slowly, enjoying the hot water pounding his tired body.

Clicking off the shower, Syed stepped out, grabbing a towel and wrapping it tightly around his slim body. Grabbing another one from the pile, he started drying his hair, fluffing it up. Opening the bathroom door, he was surprised to see Christian sitting on the sofa, vest on, watching TV and munching on Rice Crispies.

"Morning Sy. Happy birthday! We've run out of cereal, sorry. I'll do you some toast if you want?" Christian smiled, putting the bowl down and walking over to the kitchen sink.

"One or two slices?" Christian continued brightly, pulling the loaf of bread out of the cupboard, and grabbing a plate.

"One, thanks" Syed answered, wary of Christian's newfound morning happiness. In the two years Syed had known him, Christian had never been a morning person (unless he was after some morning sex) and this morning perkiness unnerved Syed slightly.

"One it is then, birthday boy" Christian replied, popping a slice of bread into the toaster.

"You're happy today" Syed ventured, tossing the towel he had in his hand on the bed and walking up behind Christian, kissing his shoulder.

"Well it's my lovely boyfriend's 26th birthday! Happy birthday Sy!" Christian exclaimed, turning round and pulling Syed into a hug, "Or it is my birthday, what with you wearing that towel..." Christian smirked, turning round suddenly and grabbing the toast out of the toaster before it turned the colour of coal.

"Erm...sorry?" Christian said sheepishly as the burnt smell wafted around the kitchen. "Don't worry, I'll do some more"

Suppressing a giggle, Syed grabbed hold of Christian and brought his lips down to his own. "You are so cute" Syed smiled, in between kisses and fits of uncontrollable giggles. "It's fine, I'm not hungry anyway, not for food anyway..." Syed breathed, whispering into Christian's ear. "...later, I promise" Syed seductively continued.

Nodding slowly, Christian turned Syed around by the shoulders and gently steered Syed to the other side of the flat.

"Your present" Christian said, picking up a small plastic bag and nervously handing Syed a small box.

Christian watched as Syed carefully opened the box, shuffling slightly. Christian laughed inwardly, he couldn't make it more obvious he was nervous, worried Syed would hate it and be forced to fake a smile and enthusiasm.

"Well...? What do you think?"

Inside the box was a silver bracelet, with brown leather fastenings and an inscription on the front. Syed carefully took it out of the box, and held it up.

"Its beautiful. I love it" Syed smiled, his eyes glistening with tears. It was the most beautiful present he had ever received from anyone.

"It must have cost you a fortune. You shou..."

"You're worth it" Christian interjected. "Here, let me", Christian whispered, taking the bracelet from his younger lover's grasp and fastening it around Syed's wrist.

"It looks right. Perfect in fact" Christian said as he held Syed's hand in his. It had cost more than perhaps they could afford but seeing it on Syed's wrist made it worth every penny. It was, after all, his first birthday present to Syed as a couple and he wanted it to be memorable.

"Come on then. Get ready or you'll be late" Christian whispered, dropping Syed's hand.

"Not that I'm complaining, mind. You in that towel..." Christian purred, smirking and grabbing hold of the top of the towel.

"Christian..." Syed gasped, in a half admonishing voice, pulling away slightly, whilst Christian started to kiss his neck. The last thing he needed was to be thinking of sex with Christian when he should be playing the dutiful son with his parents.

"Later" Syed whispered, squirming out of Christian's reach.

"Spoil sport" Christian muttered sulkily, reaching for the TV remote. He almost always got his way when it came to the bedroom department and he hated being 'rejected'.

"Just to keep you going till I get back" Syed purred, as he grabbed hold of the top of the towel and let it drop to the floor.

"And just for you" Syed continued turning around, shyly. He usually wasn't one for standing in the middle of the flat stark naked. Christian, however, was an expert. Syed had frequently come home to find him lounging on the bed with no clothes on.

"Is that all I get?" Christian laughed, enjoying the show.

"What do you think I am? Some sort of stripper? If you want a proper show, I'll expect proper payment" Syed giggled, grabbing the towel and running into the bathroom, leaving a grinning Christian behind.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

Christian absent mindedly thumbed through the Walford Gazette. A story about the local crime rate, a cat being rescued and, Christian smirked, a tiny article at the bottom of the page, about the latest addition to Beale Enterprises. Christian was bored. Usually he'd be at work at this time of day but Roxy had given him the day off, anticipating he'd be spending the day with the birthday boy. He had thought about explaining to Roxy, but decided against it, not wanting a lecture from Miss Know It All Mitchell about how Syed should be spending his birthday with him and not his 'pain in the arse miserable family'.

Chucking the newspaper down, Christian grabbed his keys and coat and headed for the door. No point in moping about, he argued. He'd go shopping, get some things in for their dinner tonight, maybe go for a drink somewhere...away from Walford of course, he didn't want to bump into Roxy.

After picking up a few items for dinner - Christian was attempting to cook dahl, Syed's favourite, he headed into one of the trendy bars on the highstreet. It was packed with lunch time customers, relaxing with a glass of wine in hand and in deep conversation. Ordering a beer, Christian sat down on one of the bar stools and placed the shopping on the floor. It was 1:30 pm, Syed was probably tucking into one of Zainab's finest culinary creations.

Deep in thought Christian hadn't noticed a group of men looking in his direction and smiling.

"Christian? Christian Clarke?" one of them spoke, coming over, beer in hand. He was tall, well build with blue eyes and brown hair.

"Hi, it's Rob. Rob Harris" the man continued, making eye contact for the first time with Christian.

Christian looked quizzically at the man, trying to place him. Christian had met a lot of men that looked like Rob. These meetings almost always ended in an invite back to his flat and bleary eyes in the morning.

"We went to college together. Don't you remember? We," indicating the two men standing next to him, "played that prank on that boy. Remember? Got suspended for it. Bloody injustice if you ask me. Little dick deserved everything he got that day and more" Rob continued darkly, the two men beside him nodding in agreement.

"I remember!" Christian smiled, enjoying the flashback to his chaotic youth. He had been a bit of a wild child, a wild adult as well, but being with Syed had calmed him and he was grateful for the sense of 'normality', whatever that was. Often it seemed that he and Syed lurched from one argument to another, only interspersed by sex, food and working at the pub and local deli respectively.

"You're..." Christian stopped, he was useless at names.

"Harry" the blonde man, next to Rob said brightly. Looking at Harry, Christian couldn't help noticing his awful choice of shirt, a pink salmon one. He tried, and failed, to surpress a giggle at the memories of Syed's old shirt, the one Christian had told Syed had been ripped in the washing machine, but instead had been on the recieving end of a pair of siccors and Christian's hands.

"What's so funny?" Harry, inquired, clearly bemused as to what was so funny.

"Sorry, nothing. Just remembering something, that's all. It's not you" Christian replied, slapping Harry on the arm jovially.

"And this is Adam", Rob pointed to the other man, attempting to step over the awkward silence that followed Christian's apology.

Christian nodded at the other man and smiled, sheepishly.

"So. How have you been?" Rob asked, sitting on the stool next to Christian, and placing his beer on the bar.

"Well as of now, fantastic" Christian replied, enjoying the fact that this afternoon would no longer consist of him spending the day alone in the flat, moping.

"Yeah? That's brilliant!" Rob replied, sipping his beer.

"Yep. Just getting some stuff and then going home and cooking dinner for my gorgeous boyfriend" Christian smugly replied. He didn't mean to be too smug but he loved being able to call Syed his boyfriend, even when he wasn't here.

"Wow. Lucky you. So what's he look like? Name?" Adam asked, surprising Christian as he hadn't spoken at all since they had met.

"His name's Sy. Slim, gorgeous brown eyes and hair you can just run your fingers through. Absolutely bloody gorgeous if I do say so myself"

"If he's that gorgeous, what's he doing with you then?" Rob smirked, laughing.

"Oi!" Christian retorted, smacking Rob playfully on the arm.

"So, when do we meet him then? Come on, you know you want to show him off" Rob said, eager to see if he was as gorgeous as Christian was proclaiming him to be.

"Well not tonight. It's Sy's birthday and we're busy" Christian said, trying in vain to repress his grin.

"The weekend then?" Rob asked, downing the last of his beer and placing the empty bottle on the bar.

"Sounds good. We were going to go out but I'm sure Sy would love to meet you. He's a bit shy around strangers but I'm sure he'd love a night out" Christian replied. He was certain Syed would enjoy it. Well, after the argument, the sulks and the silent treatment before Syed would reluctantly agree to go. They had been together six months now and Syed was still hesitant in meeting new people and Christian introducing him as his boyfriend. Christian knew it wasn't that Syed was ashamed of him, rather that he was uncomfortable with the idea of public displays of affection and being 'open' as a couple. To Syed, there was being open as a couple and having Christian trying to hold his hand and kiss him in public. They had argued about it before and they had reached an impasse but Christian had decided, for the most part, to let it lie, he after all, would rather be with Syed than not.

"That's a date then!" Rob confirmed, scribbling down his number and handing it to Christian. "Call me"

Christian smiled as the three men stood up and headed to the bar door.

As they walked out of sight, Christian's smile turned to a slight frown. He hoped Syed was doing okay with his family. Apart from wanting him to build bridges with them, Christian hoped he was in a good mood tonight. He would need it if Syed was ever going to agree to a night out with three strangers in a bar.


	3. Chapter 3

**Author Note: Advanced apologies for any inaccuracies when it comes to the portrayal of Islam and the Masood's culture in this story. I'll do my best at getting it right though.**

**x**

**Chapter Three**

When Syed finally came back through the flat door, it was twenty to midnight. Christian had gone to bed, tired of waiting, the remains of their dinner he had lovingly prepared in the bin.

Syed sighed and slumped down on the sofa, kicking off his shoes. The day had been a disaster. It had started off well but had descended into a slanging match when Syed had insisted that this would be the last birthday he would spend apart from Christian. His mother had refused to listen, to Syed's disbelief, that he should be entitled to spend his birthday with his lover.

Walking out in despair, instead of going home, Syed had spent the rest of the afternoon and evening walking...just walking around and around, aimlessly searching for answers. Answers that never came.

Syed stood up, taking off his jacket and lay down on the sofa, shifting in an attempt to get comfortable. He soon realised that this sofa was good for only two things, neither of them sleeping. Casting a glance over at the sleeping body in the bed, Syed felt a pang of guilt. He'd let Christian down again. It wasn't Christian's fault he'd had a row with his parents. It wasn't his fault he'd taken off instead of coming home and taking to Christian. All this 'being in a proper relationship' thing was difficult to get used to. Giving up on trying to get comfortable, Syed closed his eyes and drifted off into a fitful sleep.

"Where were you last night?" Christian said, nudging Syed.

"Syed", he whispered, brushing his index finger over Syed's cheek. "Wakey, wakey sleepy head. It's half ten"

"Urgh", Syed groaned, rubbing his eyes and shifting to face Christian. "Christian", he murmured, feeling ashamed of himself. Christian's poker face did little to absolve Syed of the guilt. "I'm sorry", Syed moaned groggily, pulling himself up and sitting cross legged on the sofa, allowing Christian to sit down next to him. "We had a huge fight and I walked out. I was so angry...I just needed some space so I went for a walk, to clear my head"

"I was worried, Sy. You could have called or something. That's what having a partner means. You let them know when you aren't coming home. I wouldn't have minded you know" Christian explained, avoiding eye contact with Syed. Truth be told, he WAS angry with Syed, but starting another argument was the last thing he wanted or needed right now. Christian had a splitting headache, having indulged in a bottle of wine, and gone to bed early.

"Look please, just stop pressurising me okay. This is about me and I'm sorry if I'm not dancing to your tune all the time" Syed didn't know where all this anger was coming from but he felt it come to the surface in waves.

"Pressurising _you_?" Christian exclaimed, his voice rising in frustration. "I've been 'dancing to YOUR tune' since we first met! Being the dirty, little secret on the sidelines, being around when YOU decided to be the real Syed but hiding in the shadows when YOU decided you'd rather play the good, married Muslim boy"

"JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!" Syed screeched, tears streaming down his furious face.

His headache pounding and feeling slightly nauseous, Christian stood up and began to walk towards the bed. "I can't keep doing this, Syed. I know this is hard for you but I'm so tired of this. I don't know how to act around you half the time"

Sometimes, for Christian, it was like living with multiple Syed Clones. Syed Clone 1 would be amazingly confident, flirty and lustful, wanting to take control and spend the whole day in bed, then there was Syed Clone 2, who would shy away from Christian's touch, and scream at him for only being interested in having sex, and not wanting the real Syed. Syed Clone 3 would sit in silence, slowly rubbing prayer beads between his fingers, afterwards greeting Christian's attempts at conversation with monosyllabic answers.

"Christian.." Syed cried, standing up and reaching out for Christian's hand.

"No, Sy", Christian replied, batting away Syed's outstretched hand and turning towards the bed. "I need some sleep. We'll talk later"

Turning his back on Syed, Christian pulled back the covers and climbed into bed.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four**

For the rest of the day Syed sat, curled up on the sofa, silently listening to Christian's breathing.

Christian had been asleep all afternoon. Syed didn't know what to do. He felt angry, furious at Christian but also devastated, as he felt for sure that Christian was getting tired of their relationship and wanted out, wanted to be with someone who could give him what he needed without the constant arguments and issues that always seemed to come between them.

_Buzz, buzz _

Syed's thoughts were interrupted by the buzzing tone of Christian's phone. He sat up, swinging his legs onto the floor and grabbing the phone from the coffee table.

Syed was puzzled as the name 'Rob' flashed up on the screen. Rob? Who the hell was Rob?, he could feel his insecurities rising to the surface, however hard he tried to push them down.

_'1 New Message. Read?'_

Quickly glancing over to the bed, Syed pressed 'OK' and read the message, his eyes filling with tears.

_'Had a gr8 time the other day. OK for the weekend? Txt me? Rob x'_

Syed threw the phone down in horror as the tears poured down his distressed face. Christian cheating? No, he wouldn't...would he? A rush of senerios filled Syed's head. Christian in bed with another man, talking and laughing about him, about how stupid he was and useless he was, how he was stuck with this freak, trapped. Maybe Christian was only with him because he had no choice, felt guilty as he had lost everything because of him, maybe Christian was only doing the decent thing and being with him out of pity as no one else would want him?

Syed felt sick and ran to the bathroom, retching.

Flushing the tiolet, Syed turned to find Christian standing there, staring at him, his hair messy and rubbing his eyes.

"What's the matter? Are you sick?", Christian asked. He had not forgotten their earlier fight but if Syed was ill...

Startled, Syed pushed past Christian and ran to the flat door. Christian was faster, however, and placed his body between Syed and the exit, leaving him with no means of escape.

"GET OUT OF THE WAY!", Syed screamed, almost spitting the words at Christian. "YOU'RE A LYING, CHEATING BASTARD! YOU'VE RUINED MY LIFE! I HATE YOU! GET OUT OF THE WAY!", he shouted, attempting to physically push Christian aside. Unfortunetly for Syed, Christian was a frequent visitor to the local gym, the weights section in particular, and he easily stood his ground, in defiance of Syed's anger.

"What the hell are you talking about Syed? I haven't cheated on you!", Christian was stunned at this wild accusation. He and Syed had had their problems, granted, but he would never dream of cheating on him. How could Syed even think he would?

"I saw the text, Christian"

Anger flashed through Christian's eyes as he realised Syed had been reading his texts.

"You've been reading my text messages?", Christian snarled, his hand holding Syed in place, preventing him fleeing to the bathroom, his only means of escape from this confrontation.

"Who's Rob? JUST TELL ME WHO ROB IS?", Syed attempted to break free of Christian's grasp but it was a fruitless exercise and he slumped down to the floor.

"Rob is a _friend_, Syed, a _friend. _I went to a bar yesterday and we bumped into each other, him and a few others. _Just friends. _Yes Rob is gay, but nothing has ever happened between us and nothing ever will"

"What's the text about then?", Syed muttered, fiddling with the loose fibres in the carpet as a means of distraction.

"He wanted to go out, he wanted to meet you, Sy," Christian replied, gently placing his finger on Syed's chin and lifting his head, their eyes connecting. "It was Rob's idea. This weekend. How could you even think I'd cheat on you? I love you, Syed"

"Why didn't you tell me earlier?", Syed pouted, lowering his eyes.

"Because you didn't have the courtesy to let me know you wern't coming home and quite frankly, I wasn't interested in going out anywhere with you at the time. I didn't think they'd be any point anyway, it's not like you'd come. You never do", Christian stood up, moving away to sit on the arm of the sofa.

"Please don't say that. You know how difficult this is for me!", Syed cried, pulling himself to his feet and leaning against the wall.

"I do Sy but I need a boyfriend who wants to live. You can be so amazing in this flat, when it's just us, like yesterday. I love my flirty, sexy Sy. _I_ need to live outside of these four walls. _I_ need to take my boyfriend out on the town and be normal, like everyone else", Christian stated sadly, baring his soul. He hated saying these things to Syed, confessing how he truely felt but he couldn't live like this.

"Christian", the tears streaked down Syed's face as he attempted to wipe them away with his sleeve. "I love you. I can do this for you, I promise. I want to go out with you"

"Really?", Christian asked, sceptical at Syed's sudden promise. He'd heard it all before.

"Yes", Syed answered, lunging forward and grabbing Christian's face. "Honestly. I can do this"

Taking Syed in his arms, Christian whispered in his ear, "I know you can Sy"


	5. Chapter 5

**Dark chapter. Poor Syed :-(**

**Chapter Five**

"Do you know where my black shirt is, Sy? You know, the new one". Christian pulled out the pile of clothes in the washing basket, muttering something about the amount of clothes they had both accumulated over the months. Syed didn't answer, chewing his bottom lip.

"Found it!", he grinned, chucking the shirt to Syed, who was lying on the sofa and making no attempt himself to get ready for their night out.

"Iron it for us, Sy. I need to do my hair"

Shifting onto his back, Syed stared up at the ceiling.

"Syed? We are going to be late. I said we'd meet Rob in half an hour. You've not even had a shower yet", Christian glowered, fixing Syed with a knowing glare. Christian knew exactly why Syed was dragging this out so much but he wasn't prepared to have this argument again. They were going to enjoy this night out, Christian would make sure of it.

Swinging his legs onto the floor, Syed stood up and nodded glumly at Christian, who was attempting to prise the ironing board from it's hiding place. Sneaking a quick glance at Christian, Syed ambled into the bathroom and switched on the shower.

**xxxxxx**

"Well how do I look?" Christian asked, turning around infront of a distinctly uninterested Syed.

"You look great Christian. You always do". Syed turned his head, eying Christian. He did look gorgeous, Syed thought, in his black shirt and tight jeans that hugged one of his best features. Syed grinned inspite of his mood.

"Thanks Sy. You're wearing that new shirt I brought you. I better keep my eye on you, don't want random men trying to steal my man do I?", Christian laughed, winking at his boyfriend.

"I don't think so Christian. No ones going to look at me, not with you around", Syed shyly smiled.

"Come here Sy", Christian soothed, pulling Syed into his body and rubbing his hand over Syed's back. "You always have a downer on yourself you know. You're stunning Sy, beautiful". Christian paused, moving his hand up Syed's back to play with his shoulder length brown hair. "We better go. Come on". Christian released Syed from his grip before tugging on his hand and leading him out of the flat door, grabbing their coats from the back of the sofa as they went.

**xxxxxx**

The walk to the tube station didn't take them long and soon they were buying their tickets and waiting for the train to come.

"We don't have to go out for long, Sy. Try to enjoy yourself. For me?", Christian whispered softly, so that the other waiting passengers couldn't hear. Mindful of how Syed was wary of public displays of affection, Christian glanced around the platform quickly, checking no one was paying attention to them, before giving Syed a quick peck on the cheek.

"I promise", Syed replied, smiling at Christian's face, which had lit up on not only Syed's words but on the fact Syed had not berated him for kissing him in public.

Christian had remembered the last time he had kissed Syed in public. Syed had given him an ice cold glare and angry words before bolting for the door. Christian had found him at home, lights off, sitting on the sofa, taking up a defensive position as soon as Christian had turned on the lights and walked over to the sofa. They had argued that night and Christian had decided to sleep on the sofa instead, telling Syed that he obviously couldn't bear to have him touch him. Syed had sobbed that this wasn't true, he loved being touched by him, just not in public, but those words had no meaning for Christian.

Ten minutes later they were walking inside the bar and heading for the spot where they had planned to meet.

"Christian. Over here", Rob shouted, waving over to the two men and swallowing down the last of his beer.

"Rob". Christian greeted his old friend. "Where are the others?"

Syed smiled at Rob, nervously twisting his fingers together. He trusted Christian but he felt uncomfortable being in this man's company. He had known Christian when he was at college, known him for years.

"Oh, they couldn't come. Girlfriend problems". Rob rolled his eyes, sticking two fingers down his throat and pretending to vomit. "So, this must be...". He trailed off, eying Syed with what looked, to Syed anyway, like suspicion mixed with a sense of dislike.

"This is Syed, my gorgeous boyfriend", Christian grinned smugly, grabbing hold of Syed's hand and pulling him close. Syed nodded in greeting but got only a frosty stare in response.

"I suppose I should say lucky you. I'm still on the hunt"

"Look, sit down over there and I'll get the drinks in", Christian offered, pointing over to the small round table over the other side of the bar.

"Same again", Rob nodded to Christian, heading over to the table, Syed reluctantly following behind.

"So. What's the likes of you doing with Christian then?", Rob asked, sliding onto one of the seats.

"Sorry?". Syed narrowed his eyes, confused.

"Well, you're an...Asian...aren't you? Still I can guess", Rob laughed, scanning his eyes over to the bar where Christian was in conversation with the barman.

"I don't know what you mean", Syed stuttered. He didn't like this.

"Well everybody likes to try new things and I doubt Christian has ever had an Asian before. Probably wanted to add you to the collection. He is such a slag is Christian", Rob whispered, leaning in close to Syed, "Tell you what. When he dumps you, you can come round to mine", he leered, rubbing Syed's thigh suggestively. Syed froze. Why was Rob doing this? He was supposed to be Christian's friend. Noticing Syed's look of distress, he continued, "I suppose I could lower myself to the likes of you for one night. You must be good if Christian wants to shag you. Even if you aren't like the rest of us normal people"

Seeing that Christian was in the process of navigating his way to the table, drinks in hand, Rob winked at Syed, removing his hand from his leg and grinning at Christian, as he slumped back down on his chair, setting the glasses on the table and then passing them around.

"Here Sy", he turned to face his boyfriend, handing him his orange juice. "So what do you think? Never been here before but it seems a decent place"

"I need the toilet", Syed mumbled, scraping his chair back and bolting for the restroom.

"I'm gonna go too. Won't be a minute", Rob said, getting up out of his chair.

Syed stood at the sink, splashing cold water over his face. He was unnerved and jittery.

"Alright Syed", Rob said, walking towards Syed and backing him up against the wall at the far end of the toilets. Using one hand to hold Syed still, Rob lightly moved his hand down Syed's shirt, lower and lower until he reached his belt. Syed could feel his hot breath on his face.

"No", Syed stuttered, attempting to push Rob away from him.

Rob chuckled to himself and started to undo Syed's belt. "Don't be a party pooper Syed. You're just a good for nothing slut. Why else would Christian bother with you? Why would any man bother with something like you?", he sneered, unzipping Syed's jeans and forcing his way into his boxers. Seeing the fear on Syed's face, Rob grinned and started stroking Syed. "That feels good, doesn't it? I wonder what it would be like to fuck you. I'd fuck you so good Syed. I'd treat you like the piece of dirt that you are, sure, but I'd make you feel so good"

"Please", Syed struggled, the tears streaming down his frightened face. He tried to force Rob away from him, using all of his strength. It was no use however. At over 6ft and an obvious frequent user of the weight section of the gym, it was hopeless.

"Aww, poor Syed", Rob mocked viciously, touching Syed more forcefully. "Well this has been nice but we better get back. Christian will be worried where his piece of dirt has gotten to and we don't want that do we, Syed?", he laughed, pulling his hand out of Syed's jeans and taking a step back. Syed was shaking as he watched Rob stroll to the toilet door.

"Oh, by the way. Don't bother telling Christian. We both know he'd never believe a piece of rubbish like you. Me and him are old friends".

Syed collasped onto the tiled floor, the tears flowly freely. Struggling to zip himself up, he felt sick. Pulling himself up off the floor, he bolted to one of the cubicles and vomited, slumping down beside the toilet, unable to stop the steady stream of tears.

**xxxxxx**

"Where's Sy, Rob?", Christian asked, seeing his friend had come back alone from the toilet.

"He bolted. Probably used going to the toilet as an excuse. Whatever, he wasn't there when I went in", Rob lied.

"What? No, Sy promised he'd make the effort"

"Yeah, well whatever, he wasn't there". Rob sipped his drink, keeping his eyes on the doors. As he watched a figure that looked suspiciously like Syed flee through them, he grinned.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter Six**

Stumbling into the flat, Christian swore loudly as his foot hit the corner of the sofa. Kicking off his shoes, he noticed the slight figure of his boyfriend eying him fearfully from his position on top of the bed. Syed had bolted from the bar in tears and ran all the way home, not stopping until he had got to the safety of their flat. He had been lying on the bed since, and it was there that Christian had found him, hugging the pillow like it was a child's teddy bear. Neither of them spoke for a few moments until the urge got too much for Christian, and in his drunken state he decided he wanted to confront Syed about running off.

"Why did you run off?" Christian asked irritably, pulling his shirt off and hunting around for one of his favorite blue vests.

"I felt sick", Syed muttered, closing his eyes as images of that moment flashed through his mind. He _hated_ Rob, he had never hated anyone in his life before, but he _hated_ him.

"You were fine earlier", Christian replied, a suspecting tone lacing his voice. A tone Syed could not help but noticing.

"I'm sorry, alright. I just had to get out of there", Syed retorted, wiping away the tears that were streaming down his face.

"Why? I thought you were going to make an effort for me? Rob is my friend, Sy. He thought you hated him". Christian was close to exploding in fury. He was sick of Syed not making an effort. He loved Syed, but he was feeling increasingly cut off from him, almost as if a part of both of them were cut off from each other. He felt he couldn't share every part of his life with Syed, and to Christian, it looked like Syed was unable, or unwilling, to open up to him fully. "What is the problem? I don't expect you to sit there drinking with us, but I'm fed up of making excuses for you. You chose me. Now act like it. You can't be with me, be in a gay relationship, and then spend your life hiding it"

"I told you what happened. I wasn't feeling well", Syed exclaimed. He couldn't shake the memories of what Rob had done to him and this argument and tension with Christian was making him feel worse.

"Yeah sure…" Christian mocked, rolling his eyes at Syed's 'lie'. "Do you know how embarrassing it was? I had to explain to Rob-"

"You slept with him, didn't you? That's why you're back so late. I'm not enough for you, am I? You want a man like Rob-", Syed accused Christian, sitting up on the bed and reaching for a tissue.

"What? Not this again!" Christian reacted, incessant with rage, his features snarling. Syed flinched away from him, but Christian was too pre-occupied to notice. "I have never, and will never, sleep with Rob. What is it going to take to make you understand? I love _you_", Christian added, finally noticing Syed's tear-stained face, and lowering his voice. "I love you", he repeated, sitting down on the bed and reaching for his hand. Syed flinched away from him, his chocolate brown eyes glistening with hot, wet tears. "Has something happened, Sy?" Christian whispered, concerned. Something was wrong. Since they had met, Syed had never flinched away from him. Edging his fingers closer to Syed's, but still keeping his distance, Christian looked at Syed compassionately. He hated seeing Syed like this, upset and frightened. It brought back memories of their past, the day when Syed's family had rejected him, wiped him out of their lives just for loving someone. Syed had come to him in tears, babbling incoherently about how his family hated him, how his mother was disgusted at him, how she couldn't bear to acknowledge that she had a gay son. He would forever shame her Zainab had told Syed's retreating back, as he ran to the sanctuary of Christian's flat.

"It's nothing, it's just something someone said to me…in the bar", Syed mumbled, his voice thick. "Racist stuff…" Syed added. He couldn't tell him the truth, how could he? Rob was Christian's friend, his old friend. Syed felt ashamed of what had happened. What if it was his fault, maybe he encouraged Rob, make him think he liked him? He didn't know anything anymore as all he could feel was that everything was different now. Would Christian still want him if he knew the truth? What Rob had done to him had changed his life forever, and Syed didn't know if he would ever feel like himself again. The old Syed was dead, and in its place was someone that didn't even know who they were anymore, a shell of a man, who shied away from his own boyfriend. Christian would leave him if he found out, Syed was certain of it. He had to lie and he had to keep the truth from him. He would have to pretend. He had acted out a lie most of his life, only living the truth when he was with Christian. He hated it, but he'd rather suffer than allow Christian to know the truth.

"Bastard", Christian exclaimed, his fist clenching in anger. "I'm so sorry, Sy". Christian pulled himself up, moving round to the other side of the bed so he could lie down next to Syed. "I'm sorry for shouting", Christian leaned close, whispering into Syed's ear. "Come here", he added, before pulling Syed close. Attempting to relax into Christian's embrace, Syed felt the comfort of Christian's heartbeat calming. As Christian watched him intently, stroking his damp hair softly, Syed fell into a fitful slumber.

**xxxxxx**

_Locking the bedroom door, Rob moved towards the slight figure that was lying on the bed. Flicking the light switch on, he stirred, shifting onto his back and rubbing his eyes. His headache had lessoned but his head still hurt. Why did he feel drunk? He never drank. Whatever had happened, his head was pounding and he felt sick._

_"What?" he spluttered, on seeing the figure beside the bed. "Christian?" he ventured, more in hope than in true faith that it was his boyfriend that had entered the room._

_"No Syed", Rob spoke calmly. "Christian, bless his heart, is downstairs sleeping off the effects of a large quantity of tequila slammers. I doubt you'll be seeing him for a while"_

_"What do you want?" he screamed, attempting to haul his aching limbs off the bed. _

_"Three guesses", Rob grinned sarcastically as he stepped towards him, forcing him back down on the bed. _

_"No"_

_"I told you I wanted to fuck you, you stupid slut", Rob spat, his face mere inches away from him, his eyes flashing with hatred._

_"No", he screamed as Rob yanked open the zip on his jeans, using his weight to keep him from struggling. He started to sob as Rob pulled off his own jeans, flinging them onto the floor. Pulling down his boxers, Rob climbed on top of him, as he wept. _

_"No. Help, Christian. Christian", he whispered, barely able to speak as he was raped._

Waking up, drenched in sweat, Syed looked wildly around the flat, trying to locate Christian. The bed beside him was cold and empty and Syed was terrified. Where was he? Pushing back the duvet and scrambling to his feet, Syed searched the flat, calling out for Christian hysterically. He ran to the door, as he heard the sound of a key scraping a lock. "Where have you been?" Syed sputtered, relived not to be alone anymore.

"To get some milk, babe", Christian explained, holding up the milk carton. Taking off his coat, Christian walked over to the kitchen, and began to prepare breakfast for two.

Shamed by his desperation, Syed walked over to where Christian was making the coffee and kissed him on the cheek.

"Sorry I was so long, but I got talking to Jane. Her and Ian…have problems", "Again", he emphasized, rolling his eyes. Christian had never understood why his sister had married Ian, let alone why she was still intent on making the marriage work. He knew from experience that love could make you go mad sometimes, but not blind and insane. He had decided not to get too involved though. He wanted to concentrate on Syed and their future. "Are you alright, Sy? It's just…you didn't seem to sleep well last night…you were tossing and turning, muttering stuff…"

"I'm fine" Syed lied, "A stupid nightmare. It's nothing", he reassured him, turning away to get a glass of water to hide his tears.

**Reviews would be lovely. Sorry for the depressing story but it will get better for our lovely boys.**


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter Seven**

**May 2011**

The clock was taunting him. It was 11am and there was work to do, but all Christian wished for was to spend the day with Syed. Roxy would be phoning soon, ranting about him being late and jealously berating him for spending the whole morning in bed with Syed when he should be at work. Christian would laugh with her, offering a witty retort, hiding from her that she had unwittingly hit a nerve. For Christian had not spent the morning in bed with Syed. Christian had woken alone, the bed empty, and in the absence of Syed's warm body snuggling him. Snuggling, Christian thought despondingly, was all they seemed to do in bed these days. They hadn't had sex for weeks. He didn't want to push him, but Christian was getting increasingly disgruntled. Everything between them seemed normal on the surface, they kissed and hugged, and they would cuddle in bed, but every time Christian tried to deepen the kiss, running his hand down Syed's thigh, he would tense up, and full of guilt, Christian would stop, slump back down on the bed, trying to hide his frustrations. He couldn't understand why Syed was holding back. After a while, Christian had determined that he was just tired from working long hours at the deli. That was a more reassuring possibility than considering that there might be something wrong with Syed, or their relationship. The more Christian thought about it, the more he was sure Syed was just stressed and exhausted. The relentlessly snide remarks from Zainab had become too much for Syed and he had quit Masala Queen, telling his mother a few home truths before walking out. Syed had been depressed about it for weeks, but he soon saw the benefits of working somewhere else, and was elated when he was offered the job at the deli. Since their argument last month, Christian had been out drinking with Rob a few times. He had persuaded Syed to come once, joining in with conversation only after Christian had encouraged him to stop hiding in the shadows, Christian didn't want to push it though, he could see that Syed was trying, and that was enough.

_Buzz, buzz. _

Wearily hauling himself out of bed, Christian walked over to the table, and picked up his vibrating phone. _'1 New Message. Read?' _A message from Rob flashed up on the screen. _'My Bday party tonight. My place. Bring your man. Rob x'_. His mind had been so fixated on Syed and their bedroom problems, that he had totally forgotten that it was Rob's birthday today. Putting down the phone, he heard the bathroom door click open and a delectable looking Syed wander out, wearing nothing but a towel. "Hey babe", Christian remarked, walking over to Syed and wrapping his arms around his towel-clad waist. "It's Rob's birthday today and he has invited me and my lovely boyfriend to his party. Want to come?"

Temporarily panic-stricken, Syed quickly contained his emotion and blankly nodded in agreement, his eyes void of feeling. Since that day, he had blocked out any mention and thought of Rob and what he had done to him. That one time he had been encouraged by Christian to talk to him, he spoke only monosyllabic sentences, avoiding all eye contact. He had been relieved when he was safely in the presence of Christian again, and on their way home.

"Good. It will be great, Sy. You should wear that black shirt I brought you. You look gorgeous in it"

"Yeah…". Syed had no intention of wearing that shirt though. It was another thing Rob had ruined. Christian had brought it for him. He had worn it that night, and afterwards, he had torn it off, and thrown it in the rubbish bin.

_Buzz, buzz_

"I bet that's Roxy, ready to cut my balls off and feed them to Albert. I better get ready for work", Christian smiled, before disappearing into the bathroom.

**xxxxxx**

Syed spent the rest of the day alone (he had the day off) cleaning the flat and paying a few bills. Christian would be home in an hour or so, and soon they would need to be getting ready to go to the party. Syed's stomach dropped at the thought of being in the same room as that man, but for Christian's sake, he was determined to put himself through it. The pressure of the continual tension between himself, Christian and his parents was getting to him, and the situation with _him_ was making Syed feel like he was becoming an emotional and needy wreck. In truth, he had never really recovered from the trauma of the last year. Afterwards, unable to cope with the reality that her son had attempted to end his life, Syed's suicide attempt had been the white elephant in the room. His mother would avoid the subject, and when his father brought it up, it was usually when he was shouting at her to stop pretending that none of it was happening. Nobody would ever talk to Syed about it or ask him how he was feeling. Without Christian in his life, Syed had struggled to make sense of anything. He would see him a few times, walking around the square, a new man on his arm, and his heart would ache with the grief of his loss.

Clicking the vacuum cleaner off and storing it away in the cupboard, Syed decided it was probably time he started to get washed and dressed. Christian would hog the bathroom when he got home so it was better to shower now. Shutting the bathroom door, he shed his clothing and clicked on the shower. The hot water cascaded down his drained body, relieving some of the tension he had been feeling all day. He was resolute that he wouldn't let Rob hurt him again. He'd keep quiet about that bastard for Christian's sake. Stepping out of the shower, Syed heard a familiar voice on the other side of the closed bathroom door.

**xxxxxx**

Walking up to the front door, Christian stared in admiration at Rob's house. There was no way he was ever going to invite Rob round to his and Syed's flat anytime soon, he lamented to himself. The embarrassment of admitting he rented a poky flat from his brother-in-law was bad enough. The front door was already half-open, so without knocking, they walked in through the hallway to the lounge, where Rob and his friends were sitting and drinking beers.

"Christian!" Rob hollered, on noticing the two men. Syed edged closer to Christian, taking his hand and holding it tightly. He felt nauseous, the bile rising to his throat. Barely glancing at Syed, he thrust a can of beer into Christian's hand and slumped back down on the sofa, smiling to himself.

"Hey", Christian replied, letting go of Syed's hand and opening the can carefully, before taking a large mouthful of the cool liquid.

"What do you want? Drink, I mean…" Rob inquired, eyeing Syed with distaste.

"Cola…_please_", Syed answered, defiantly looking at him in the eye. He felt a small sense of victory as Rob turned away, calling for Harry to get Syed a drink.

"You okay, babe?"

"I'm…_fine_", Syed hesitated, his eyes fixed firmly on the man sitting on the sofa.

**xxxxxx**

"He's cheating on you, and you have no idea do you?" Rob breathed in his ear.

"What?" Syed snapped, confused.

"Christian. Is. Cheating. On. You", he hissed, tauntingly.

"No he isn't…he wouldn't…" Syed faltered. He hadn't realized it, but Rob had managed to trap him in the corner of the room. The other guests were too drunk or involved in their own conversations to even glance in their direction. And Christian? Where was Christian?

"You sound so confident about that. Or not", he sneered, brushing up against Syed's body. Determined not to give him this victory, Syed refused to cower in fear and stood his ground, forcing eye contact. "He is using you for sex. Or rather he was, until you stopped giving him any", Rob snarled, laughing openly.

"What?" Syed stuttered incredulously, his face drained of color. "Leave me alone", Syed ordered defiantly, attempting to push past him.

"That hurts Syed. Especially as we are so _close_ now", he drawled mockingly, refusing to let Syed move. "He told me. Last week, he told me that you hadn't been giving him what he needs. Now you're surplus to requirements. Old news", he spat, nodding his head in triumph at believing he had dealt Syed a devastating blow.

"No…, you're lying. Why are you trying to split me and Christian up?" Syed fumed.

"I'm not", Rob protested, holding his hands up. "I'm just being a friend"

"Leave us alone", Syed demanded, his voice thick with emotion. He was determined to remain fearless in the presence of this man, whatever the cost to himself.

"You're pathetic do you know that? Christian told me all about your little attempt at suicide. I sympathized with him of course. Who wouldn't? Hey, maybe that's why he is still with you? Maybe he is so worried you'll do it again, he hasn't got the heart to dump you? Maybe you should just go and die, Sy. Hey that rhymes", he pronounced, sniggering, before turning away and demanding another drink.

**xxxxxx**

It was the morning before Christian finally awoke, opening his eyes slowly and groaning groggily, rubbing his aching head. He was laid out on the sofa, still in Rob's house, with no one else in sight. Swinging his legs onto the floor, Christian hauled his aching limbs into the kitchen and switched on the lights.

"Rob?" Christian moaned, eying the clock anxiously. "Why didn't you wake me? Where's Sy?" he questioned, downing a large glass of cool water.

"Sorry mate, but you were in no fit state last night. Thought it better that you slept it off". Rob replied, staring at the wall opposite the kitchen table.

"Oh God, he'll be in a right mood with me. He hates it when I drink like a fish. Where is he?"

"He went home", Rob shrugged.

"Oh. Well I had better go and make it up to him then". Christian turned, and headed out of the kitchen.

"Yeah, you better"

**Reviews would be lovely. Thanks.**


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter ****Eight**

Through the night, Syed wept, hugging Christian's pillow, trying to gain some comfort and security. He hadn't undressed for bed, but had instead, lay on the bed fully clothed, his body wracked with sobs. He just couldn't understand why Christian had revealed his painful past to _him_. The memory of those traumatic few months caused the tears to fall faster, and harder, and Syed made no attempt to stop them. Wiping his face with the back of his sleeve, Syed abruptly sat up. He had made a decision.

**xxxxxx**

"Shit" Christian swore loudly, as his foot connected with the table leg. Rubbing his big toe, he called through the closed door of the bathroom.

"Syed, you home? I'm really-", the door clicked open, and he was interrupted by the appearance of the dark, wavy hair of his boyfriend. "-sorry"

Wordlessly, Syed strode past Christian to the other side of the room, and to where a small navy coloured suitcase was sitting open, on top of the bed.

"I'm leaving", Syed announced flatly, pulling the zip closed on the suitcase and pulling it onto the floor beside the bed. He refused to look at Christian. The pain was already crushing him, and seeing his face would only cause his meagre conviction to crumble.

Still feeling the effects of last night's alcohol, Christian was visibly confused. "What?"

"You heard what I said", Syed replied, forcing himself to finally look at the man he felt had betrayed him.

"What?" Christian repeated. "Is this because I got drunk last night?" Christian tried to reach for him but Syed flinched away and Christian left his arm hanging in the air, before letting it drop back down to his side.

"Why should I care what you do anymore? Now if you excuse me-"

Christian grabbed hold of Syed's wrist and pulled him round to face him. "You are not going anywhere, not until you tell me what this is all about"

"YOU TOLD ROB ABOUT ME", Syed yelled, struggling to free his arm from Christian's tight grip.

**xxxxxx**

They sat in silence, at opposite ends of the sofa. "I just wanted someone to talk to…about what happened-"

"You'd rather talk to _him_, than me?" Syed asked, in disbelief.

"Well you never want to talk about it", Christian replied, defiantly, testing Syed's reaction.

"I just want to forget…" Syed muttered, staring at the wall intently.

"That is the problem Syed. We can't just forget, we can't just pretend this stuff never happened"

"Why?" Syed asked, shifting his body round to face Christian. Christian could see how vulnerable Syed was, and a massive part of him wanted to forget all about this, and wrap him lovingly in his arms, protecting him from everything that was causing him so much pain.

"You want to know why? I told Rob because I needed to try and get my head around the fact that the man I love tried to kill himself because of us"

A few minutes later Syed spoke, in a barely audible whisper. "I wanted to stop hurting"

**x****xxxxx**

"Talk to me"

"It's my parents…everything…" They were sat in near darkness, only the light of a small lamp reflecting around the room. They were sitting closer now, yet not quite touching. Christian was reluctant to overwhelm Syed, given how angry he had been with Christian earlier.

"I thought if they had some time…they'd start to accept me, us, but I know they never will". Even though Syed was happy, content with the decision he had made to be with Christian, the loss of his family weighed heavily on his mind. He missed the feeling of protection and the unconditional love that a parent gives a child, and the sense of belonging. Syed knew what he had with Christian was amazing, beautiful, and he would never regret his choice, but he still felt like a part of him was missing.

"You don't know that", Christian reminded Syed, trying to comfort him. Christian had experienced the same feeling of loss years ago, when he made the decision to be true to himself, and he was desperate to give his boyfriend any comfort he could.

"Christian, they hate you. They can't even bear to mention your name", Syed lamented, his brown eyes acknowledging Christian's attempt to reassure him.

"They're just angry right now. It's a lot to adjust to. They expected you to stay married to Amira forever, have children. It must be a big shock for them, seeing you with a six-foot muscle-bound bloke"

A sad half-smile formed on Syed's lips. "We are a bit like 'He-Man' and the 'Wee-Man' aren't we?" They giggled, and Syed edged closer to Christian, comforted by the warmth of his body. "I just wish…I just wish they would understand", Syed sighed. "I got married", Syed drops his voice until it is just a faint whisper, "I tried to kill myself…the therapy…"

"Tell me"

Syed looked away, biting his bottom lip anxiously.

"Tell me…why you tried to hurt yourself", Christian repeated, taking Syed's clammy hand and stroking his palm softly.

"Christian, I-"

"I want to know. I don't want any part of you closed off from me"

"I'm tired", Syed looked away, playing with the frayed thread of a cushion.

"Please, Sy?"

"I didn't mean to…to drink so much…" Syed hesitated, the tears falling freely, "I just wanted it to stop. I felt so alone", avoiding Christian's eyes, he mumbled, "You said you never wanted to see me again…"

"I didn't mean it, Sy. I was angry. You just walked away from me, ignored me in the street. I was so, so angry, but I could never stop caring. I never stopped loving you, wanting you. You're my world"

"I'm sorry. I didn't know what to do. My parents could barely look at me. Dad was so, so angry and disappointed. I knew all he was thinking was that I had let him down again, let the family down again. All I could think was that I couldn't bear to lose them"

"I couldn't bear to lose you"

"Me neither"

They sat in silence again, Christian's fingers ghosting his boyfriend's face tenderly, Syed shuddering when Christian ran his thumb softly over his wet lips. "I am sorry for telling Rob"

"I know". Syed kissed Christian's head, wanting him to know that he had accepted his apology.

"I'm sorry I wasn't there for you. I let you down"

"You could never let me down, Christian. Never"

"I did, Sy"

"I had to sort things out by myself. There was nothing you could have done. All I could see at that moment in time was that I had lost you, lost my parents, hurt Amira…"

"I could have done something. We almost destroyed each other trying to make everything better for everyone else"

"We both felt guilty, about my parents, about Amira…I know you did too", he looked at Christian, "You wouldn't be the man I love if you hadn't have felt bad about it"

"I doubt Amira and your parents see it that way"

"Well, no, but I do", Syed smiled up at Christian, who leans down and gently captures Syed's lips in his own. "I have this dream, it is stupid, and I know it is, but I have this dream that one day we'll get married and my family will be there, smiling with happiness. It will be a simple wedding, and I'll wear traditional dress, and you will wear a suit that shows off your bum", Syed smiles. "It will just be your family, Roxy and my family there"

"It sounds brilliant, Sy"

"It's just a stupid dream though, Christian", Syed whispered sadly. "It's never going to happen. They don't even acknowledge me as their son. I lost them for choosing to be honest about myself"

"I know Sy, and I am so, so sorry"

"It isn't your fault. I wish things could be different, I wish they would understand"

"They will, in time"

"You really believe that?"

"I have to Sy. My mum did. My dad, not so much, but my mum accepted me. I knew she always loved me, but she was set in her ways, she had her pride, and her ideas and dreams for me. She finally had to accept, after years of hearing from Jane about my various new boyfriends, that I was never going to be the son she wanted, that she would never see me get married and have children. When she accepted the truth, she was finally able to have a relationship with me again. It was wonderful, and I know the same will happen for you and your family"

"I'd like to meet her, your mum"

Christian smiled, his hand playing with Syed's slender fingers. "I love you so much"

"Ditto", Syed whispered, capturing Christian's lips with his own.


End file.
